We have new rookies and besides Jeremy Sochan, I’m having trouble putting the names, numbers, and faces together with the other dudes from the Summer League. So I thought to myself, “hey maybe if you do another one of those stupid Pokémon articles you might remember who Malaki Branham is. Or at least you’ll laugh when you see his face and all you can think about now is Pokémon” and anyway that’s how this whole post was born.
But first!
The 2022-23 Classic Edition
Fiesta Shorts gives this uniform an A rating. Simple, understated, elegant.
You can’ go wrong wearing a black suit and a black tie to a wedding. And you can’t go wrong with this classic black, white, and grey look.
For a brief period of time, I was scared of this uniform. I wanted to order one as soon as humanly possible, but whose name would I choose? It felt like everyone was a rookie or trade bait. Then Keldon Johnson signed his 4-year extension and suddenly I knew exactly what to do.
During that brief period of unrest, I contemplated getting a custom jersey with Steven Adams’ name and number. Perhaps it would manifest in my long-standing dream of seeing Adams play for the Spurs. Perhaps it would just be a weird thing to explain to strangers when they see my Adams San Antonio jersey at a bar.
Alas, it’s Keldon time!
What if the new rookies were Pokémon
Malaki Branham, Wartortle
Neither of these two look like the kind of dudes you’d be itching to start a fight with, and for good reason. Though they lack explosive speed, they’re not afraid to get in the paint and mix it up.
And perhaps more importantly, they’ve both perfected the angry snarl.
Blake Wesley, Magmar
Magmar is known as the “Spitfire Pokémon,” which checks out with what we saw of Wesley in the Summer League. Not afraid to fire off shots or drive into traffic, Wesley’s going to have his fair share of misses, but when he gets hot, Spurs fans are going to love it.
Also, y’all, I’ve never really taken a long look at Magmar before. What in the hell is this thing supposed to be? It’s making me uncomfortable, I’m just gonna move on to the next guy.
Jeremy Sochan, Rapidash
If anyone on the Spurs is most likely to come into a game with their hair on fire next season, you can be that person is Sochan. Like Rapidash, Sochan’s game is founded in physicality and strength.
A dependable fire-type is a crucial pillar to any Pokémon trainer’s six-’Mon rotation, and if we’re lucky, Sochan will bring the heat and reliable playmaking to San Antonio (sooner than later would be preferred, if you are reading this, Jeremy). More importantly, we hope Sochan can be the kind of guy you build a winning team around.
Thanks for reading, please be kind to each other out there.