If the Spurs were Pokémon
These players once dreamed of playing in the Final Four, but how would they fare against the Elite Four?
Quick note: You may have noticed that I said I would grade the Spurs free agency moves over the last several years. Good news! I will still be doing that. If all goes well, it’ll actually be published over at Project Spurs next week.
A ran a poll some time ago asking what y’all want me to write about. The winner was this piece on what the Spurs order when they go to Whataburger.
The poll runner-up was an article in which we determine which Pokémon our Spurs look like. Well guess what y’all it’s runner-up time so let’s get it on! Because I refuse to pore over all 905 of those little bastards, I’m going to restrict this to the original 151. That’s more than plenty, I think. Mhm!
Devin Vassell, Ivysaur
Oh yeah, look at these two. The look of determination in their faces is practically identical. And like Ivysaur, Vassell has yet to evolve into his final form. Here’s to hoping Vassell develops into a defensive stalwart and reliable offensive threat, a critical part of any Elite Four challenger or NBA Finals contender.
Josh Primo, Oddish
Primo, like Oddish, is in the early stages of his career. With a little love and a lot of training, they’ll flourish as key contributors to a winning team. As you might expect, Oddish specializes in ranged attacks that don’t rely on physical strength (probably because they don’t have arms), which tracks with Primo’s perimeter shooting (which does require both of his arms).
Jakob Poeltl, Slowbro
I am… so sorry, Jakob. But also like look at these photos how could I not make this comparison? Slowbro, the generally confused looking, slow, and sometimes very awkward Pokémon can also be incredibly powerful.
It’s like Poeltl - sometimes he shoots multiple pop-a-shots in a game and you wonder why he’s even on the court. Other times he’s the best rim defender alive and he dunks the ball like a seven-footer should dunk the ball.
They’re a pair of life’s great mysteries. Enigmas, even.
Keldon Johnson, Arcanine
Do I even need to elaborate on this comparison? Arcanine roars, Johson roars. Arcanine uses attack moves so powerful that it sometimes hurts itself, Johnson attacks the rim so powerfully that he might hurt himself.
But mostly, the roaring.
Dejounte Murray, Charmeleon
Every team needs a strong leader, and millions of gamers across the globe have kicked off their Pokémon journeys by selecting the beloved Charmander as the piece to build their team around.
Charmeleon is, of course, the first evolution of Charmander. It’s powerful, known for its slashing abilities as much as its fire breathing, much like Murray and his ability to strip an opponent and deliver with his midrange jumper.
The best part about Charmeleon? It still has one more evolution before it reaches full potential.
Derrick White, Wigglytuff
Couldn’t resist making this comparison. I mean, look at these two! Don’t let Wigglytuff’s soft appearance and cute tuft of hair fool you, they can take a hit, much like White’s ability to take a charge.
That’s it for now. Sorry I couldn’t get to everyone on the team - if you have a comparison I missed out on, let me know on Twitter @dinna_dawg.
Thanks for reading, please be kind to each other out there.